Scientists working deep in the jungles of Borneo came across a startling discovery while looking for orangutans and leopards: They were able to take pictures of Miller’s Grizzled Langurs, not seen in the wild for years and thought to be extinct. The langurs appeared in thousands of the photos, so there’s no question that they are there. Now the question is how many are calling Borneo home?

Read more at Time.com

I’m sure readers of this website are well aware of the Infinite Monkey Theorem, which states that given a million monkeys and an infinite amount of time, even a monkey randomly typing on a keyboard would eventually recreate the entire works of Shakespeare. Programmer Jesse Anderson hopes to accomplish this feat in a little over a week.

If that seems incredible, it is. And somewhat incorrect. Mr. Anderson’s computer monkeys are writing in 9 character strings, then comparing those 9 characters to any spot in any of Shakespeare’s complete works. I’m no statistician, but clearly this is a much easier task than recreating an entire work of Shakespeare from beginning to end.

Oh, and my University of Washington webpage had perl code to do this on it like 15 years ago. I think the URL was weber.u.washington.edu/~monkeymonkeymonkey, or something like that. Oh, the good old days.

Read more at FoxNews

Those clever monkeys in India that always seem to be up to no good have now figured out how to operate automatic doors. Once inside, they steal food, terrorize patients, and generally are up to no good. The hospital averages one monkey bite per week! And in case you think this is some rural hospital, this is the All India Institute of Medical Sciences in New Delhi! And in true India style, to combat the problem they hired to larger monkeys – grey langurs – to scare off the macaque troublemakers. So what happens when the langurs start causing problems? Bear bouncers, I’d imagine.

Read more at Metro.co.uk

The real question is what should people get for wedding gifts? Other than more cigarettes, obviously.

Read more at IBT

Eat more bananas! We’ll show those bananas who’s boss!

Read more at KOMO News

Iran is currently training five monkeys for the job in space, before they select one for the trip. Obviously, we hope they do everything they can to ensure the safety and survival of our simian friend.

Read more at Winston-Salem Journal

A two-year old macaque escaped from Yerkes National Primate Research Center Field Station near Atlanta, a research facility that houses over 3,500 primates. The monkey doesn’t harbor any diseases, but is probably fairly pissed off so shouldn’t be approached.

What do you do if you’re a macaque and you escape from a research lab? You get on Twitter!

A man was arrested at Suvarnabhumi International Airport in Thailand for attempting to smuggle two leopards, two panthers, an Asiatic black bear and two macaque monkeys to Dubai. The animals had been drugged and were in containers inside the man’s luggage.

Big congrats to the Thai Anti-Smuggling Police, but I’d LOVE to see the penalty from crimes like this to be huge – so much that no one would think of pulling off a stunt like this. It enrages me to see what people do to these animals.

Read more at SeattlePI.com

Note to self: While sleeping in bed with a macaque, don’t roll over on top of it. Strangely enough, they don’t seem to like it.

The headline really says it all. The woman had a hearing with the Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court in Amherst County, Virginia, and claims the baby marmoset needs constant care. So obviously she stuffed it in her bra for safe keeping. The monkey, a miniature marmoset named Cara, is just about the cutest thing ever. The woman’s identity is being withheld for “family reasons,” according to The Lynchburg News & Advance, but if want to find her look for the woman in Lynchburg with the monkey in her bra.

Read more at CBS News